they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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