that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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