he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
