I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Come see our sink grown plant.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize