matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
