I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
