I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
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