Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
