p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
