you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
