How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Even my vagina gasped.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
