:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
