He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
We had sex on a dog bed..
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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