Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
