I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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