Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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