I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize