so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
