i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize