check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
