After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
