Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
