How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
