just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
