I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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