Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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