It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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