I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Randomize
