In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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