She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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