either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
