Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I think I died a long time ago.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
