I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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