Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
