I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
