He asked to "fluff my boner.."
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
