just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
