After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
