i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
