Nicole vs. Life
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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