dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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