TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
