Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
