M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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