I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
