mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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