Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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