the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
All I want is dick and wine.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
