SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
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