my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
pray to the hookup gods
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
