Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
