his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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