the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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