We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Randomize
