I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
