I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
