Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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