And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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