Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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