he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize