kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I deserve this hangover.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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