just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Everclear isn't food dammit
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize