its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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