she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
