No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
