Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
