you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Randomize
