you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
